The Big One. 40…….

The big one.

Now now, not that kind of blog, but the one about me turning 40. Or halfway as someone bluntly put it! 😁
For me it’s a time to reflect back, draw a half time analysis, and go into the second half all guns blazing.  I’d summarise the first half as a bit like Liverpool’s first half 10 years ago during the Champions league final – having some disastrous moments that had the potential to send you crashing out, but when you have a couple of team members who are not giving up, and a crowd cheering you on – there is hope.
For the record I have had an amazing month celebrating. I am so lucky to have such great friends. It all started with my team spoiling me with very generous gifts
and cards. Mind you, the balloons were a little loud.. But all meant the world. Thank you team!
The big weekend was a little chaotic, mainly as I had finally got the keys to my new City Pad in Bermondsey.  All great, but I was attempting to organise and take deliveries plus do all the basic shopping, along with our busiest time of the year at work. This led to a 4pm dash to Westfield to buy an outfit to wear 3 hours later to MY PARTY! Yes I know, I finally took the plunge and booked it.  Having never organised my own do before, I was a little cautious and tried to find a way to invite everyone and their children – but that led to a wedding size bill, so I went with an evening adults only party instead.  Sorry little ones, I will make it up to you all over the summer at Al’s beach house!! The Ice Creams are on me.
The build up day was not how I imagined it.  I was picturing a leisurely brunch, hours of pampering, a cheeky glass of bubbles & a taxi there in plenty of time. Instead, I had 35 minutes to get ready, eat and be at the venue. Yes, 35 tiny minutes but somehow I managed. Big love to The Uber driver for driving slowly enough to allow me to put my make up on without arriving looking like Coco the Clown!
I won’t lie, I was nervous. Would people come? Peoples plans change, did I organise it on the wrong day? Is there enough food? drink? Panic started to set in….. until all my friends started to arrive, then it didn’t matter – it was time to party!
Thanks to all those who helped make it such a special night. We danced, drank & laughed a lot. Thank you to the deadly duo who put me in a cab when it was time to go home, and big love to my DJ for the evening! I made it along with all my fabulous gifts and beautiful cards.
Post pig out I trotted home to my flat & decided to carry out a mid life review.  This idea was given to me by a very wise person, who I saw focus their 40th year into something truly remarkable.  Not saying that will be me, but  what did I have to lose?  At my hungover best I have great intentions to improve, its the sorry for yourself feeling when you just need someone to make you feel better – anyway possible!! It took hours and a lot of tea, tears & laughter.  So here goes…..
OK, the last few years have been horrific at times, but overall pre May 2011 I have nothing but fun memories. Of course I have had my ‘sad times’, being dumped, having my heart broken (well, don’t we all at some point!) but all those things make us meet new people, and explore new paths.
I was incredibly blessed to have the most amazing parents and family who brought me up in a wonderful environment for which I will always be grateful. Obviously the last few years have pushed me to the limits, and it’s still no walk in the park, but I have also learned so much about myself.
I won’t bore you all with the full details (and yes, there was a lot of paper, different coloured pens – well if you are going to do something you may as well do it well!)
I now know when to stop and take a deep breath and not get stressed, anxious or upset.
If I do get anxious I now how to control it, not let it control me.  I suffered from this most of my 30’s and it can be hideously debilitating.
I know when someone is taking advantage of my good nature.  I am not going to change but I am going to be smarter about who I invest my time in.
I know when I am in the wrong- nobody’s perfect.
I don’t owe anyone anything.  I am responsible for me.
I know when to say no, even if it upsets people. No longer am I doing things just to keep others happy (unless its a birthday!)
If I want it, I will find a way.
Two main focus points and further action needed items became clear:
 1)  I’m surrounded by great pals. I haven’t been the best friend over the last few years. I’ve let people down. I am aware. So, that’s my must try harder, & I am truly sorry. My Mum would tell me off, so Im doing it for her!
2) You make your own luck in this world. I work incredibly hard.  I have an amazing job, and I love my lifestyle.  I have a beautiful house by the seaside to show for it, and Im proud of what I have achieved to date. Hard work pays off eventually. The downside is my work life balance is all off. So lesson learned here is its time to start enjoying it just a little bit more, not taking it all so seriously.
So, my conclusion is ‘good first half, but must try harder’. Be a better pal, do what I love more and work smarter.
Here we go. Time to rehydrate, limber up, get my kit on & get out there for the second half. Watch out, I’m after the winners medal!
Speak soon!